Our 33thrd president, Harry Truman once said “In reading the lives of great men, I found that the first victory they won over themselves, self discipline with all of them came first”. But for women with ADHD, self discipline sometimes comes second, if all. Every day you may admit to defeat to self – indulgence when you choose to snooze over waking up early, or browsing the internet when you are supposed to be doing something else. There is no doubt that you want to achieve your goal, whether it is to take an online class or go to the gym, you need self discipline. Self-discipline isn’t something to be afraid of and it isn’t too hard to build once you know how.
Step 1 – Start with One Habit – As an ADHD coach, I work with many women who regularly allow their bad habits to get the better of them, and one of the most common issue I see is when they try to change everything at once. My clients want to discipline themselves like to go to bed early, write a blog post and get things done. However this doesn’t work because trying to fix everything at one is like trying to build Rome in one day. So instead, try to just concentrate on changing ONE HABIT and to make it easier on yourself, focus on one that you already know how to do, but keep on procrastinating on.
Step 2 – Commit Only To Starting – Starting a habit we have been procrastinating on is always hard. The thought of putting on the running shoes, making a salad, or writing a paper is more than enough to dampen from starting even when the task is easy. Building self discipline is about getting a good start and making behaviors so easy that you can’t say no. Think of a habit as string of little steps. . I am going to use going to the gym as an example. If you’re like most women with ADHD, when you think of going to the gym, what you’re really thinking isn’t exercise, you’re thinking about how you have to pack your gym bag, go to the gym, change into your exercise clothes, warm up, exercise, warm down, shower, change back into your street clothes and go home. You’re also thinking about how long the habit is going to take. However, if you just focus on the first action, let’s say packing the gym bag and be present as you do this task, you avoid taking yourself out of doing it. So, with your one habit, focus on the first step you will need to take and commit to it. Be mindful while you’re doing it. This will stop you of thinking about what you need to do next and not starting at all.
Step 3- Sticking To the Habit- I hear this a lot from a few of my coaching clients – “I have no problem with starting habits, but committing to them, that’s my problem”. Sticking to something is hard but only when the expectations are unrealistic to start with. Sticking to something isn’t about never missing a day; it’s about missing a day, learning why you missed it and doing everything you can to ensure it doesn’t happen again. If you want to learn how to stick to something, start tracking your progress. Try and make a game out of it. How many days can you do your habits in a row? Have a target and meet it – then move the goal posts apart.
Step 4: Rinse, Wash, and Repeat – There will be a point where you will no longer have to track you progress. These behaviors will just come naturally to you. You no longer need to rationalize or decide to do it. There’s no rationalization and no resistance. You will just simply do it. This doesn’t mean that you stop bringing all of your attention to what you are doing or just stop trying; it just becomes easier to do. You become self-disciplined. The next step is to choose a new habit and repeat the process.